Today, I reflect back on the year that has gone by, the year I have had without my Grandad.
I have found this year has gone fast, too fast. I feel I have had no time to process what happened or my feelings. However I look back to what feels like such a small space of time and I have gone through more stages of emotions that I even knew existed.
Now reaching the ‘one year mark’ I thought things would change. I have found myself with new waves of grief but I know that I am not alone in feeling that way. Everyone grieves in their own way, with no certain way to grieve, no order and no timeline. Moving into the second year I now have to fully understand that. I know that I should grieve but I should grieve in a healthy manner, not been too angry, anxious or guilty. Been able to take steps forward and rebuilding my life with a new normal, nonetheless I know that there will be tough days.
I have learnt even though I have been going through periods of great sadness, it doesn’t mean I have had an unproductive year. This also does not mean I have or have to lead unhappy life. In the past year I have accomplished more than I ever thought possible even under the circumstances. I have ran my first ever 10k, kept strong friendships with my beautiful friends, been on 3 holidays, countless weekend trips and days out, made my hobby into a business and gone through two pay rises at work. I have found that experiencing new things and places helps me dramatically, opening my eyes and widening my perspective on life. Realising through all this, life is too short and not to forget that the world is full of beauty and inspiring things.
Grief, as I keep telling myself is a life-long journey. An emotional handicap, you get up and live with everyday. But this does not mean you can’t lead a happy life, it just takes a little work!